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Do You Have Realistic Expectations for Your Partner?

Romantic relationships are a challenge.

When your expectations are unreasonable, a romantic relationship becomes impossible. Not only are you constantly dissatisfied, but your partner is also likely to become frustrated with you.

Having realistic expectations will enhance your relationship.

Avoid believing in these unrealistic ideas:

1. My partner should be able to read my mind. How's your ESP? I'm sure you've missed the mark a few times. No? Then either you're overconfident in your abilities

or your partner is leading you on. The only way to know what is going on in someone else's thinky-parts is to ask. Help yourself out by letting your partner know what you need from them. At the same time, ask what your partner needs from you. You’ll both be better off and happier. 2. Zero fighting. Conflict is the price we pay for deep intimacy. You’re two different people with two different sets of beliefs and ways of viewing the world. Your needs and interests don’t match 100%. Your likes and dislikes aren’t identical. People get cranky. Backs ache, migraines suck, and uteruses do things that I won't even pretend to understand because I don't own one. There will be disagreements with any relationship. 3. The right partner will make my life perfect. There are benefits to having a partner. There are disadvantages, too. Did you read No. 2? Expect that some parts of your life are likely to improve while others may slip a notch or two. No one’s life is perfect. Your partner can enhance your life experience but won’t provide perfection. 4. My partner will always be available when I need them. Sometimes they won't. They'll want to. But, our ability to be there for others varies from day to day. There will be times your partner isn’t available to you physically or emotionally. We all have our good and bad days. 5. I will always be the only important thing in my partner’s life. Should she give up her career to dote on you? His family? Really? Let me get you your slippers, your highness.

You don’t really want to be the only important thing in your partner’s life 24/7. Ever been to a restaurant where the server asks how your meal is every 30 seconds? Imagine that, but forever. Besides, people with passion and a strong commitment to a goal are highly attractive and more likely to keep your interest in the long term. 6. Everything should be 50/50. Nothing is 50/50 except for a raffle at a hockey game, and even then I suspect they round up. Everyone has different strengths. One of you will make more money. One of you will

spend more time with the kids. One of you will carry a larger burden of the housework, bill paying, yard work, or home maintenance. There will be illness, injury, and emotional tolls. We don't marry someone who is only going to put in 50%. We marry someone who will willingly go 80% when we can only go 20%. 7. All we need is each other. The best possible partner for you can provide for only 70-80% of your needs. You’ll need others- human or otherwise-to pick up the slack. What other people do you have in your life whom you can rely on? 8. Good relationships are easy. A good relationship should be relatively easy most of the time, but never easy all of the time. A relationship is a constantly evolving thing that requires regular attention and maintenance.

If you find yourself becoming upset, angry, or disappointed when someone fails to live up to your expectations it might be time for a conversation with your significant other. Take a look at what you expect from your partner and determine if it would enhance your relationship to make a few adjustments to your expectations. Do so and you'll find your household will be peaceful and your life together more mutually satisfying.

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